Everything Can Improve

They say a policeman’s job (or a policewoman’s job) is never done. They’re always ‘on-duty’ since they have knowledge of the law and training to enforce it.

And I guess I’m exactly the same, because I own my own handyman business, I can do more or less anything around the house that doesn’t need heavy lifting equipment, and I see mistakes everywhere. Like, people who don’t know how to properly align a skirting board, or decking slats that have been incorrectly installed so that the ridges are on top.

Or sometimes, you find a place where everything is wrong. I know I booked Big Ben’s British Bed n’ Breakfast for the sole purpose of saving money, but…come on. Window frame installation isn’t going to utterly break the bank. I’m afraid to touch these ones in case I’m right, and they actually are acrylic sheets, but I already know in my heart that it’s true. No window frame, either; they spent all that money on a thin Union Jack bedspread and fake brick wallpaper with stencilled-on cartoon pictures of Jack the Ripper and Sherlock Holmes. 

I get that these people have a theme, but if the owners used less of their brain power on cockney accents and more on operational issues, they could make this place look a little more acceptable. Maybe I truly am getting what I paid for, plus the mandatory elevenses are free. You can even opt out of the nightly Morris Dancing Classes, although it was strongly implied that I’d have to wash the knickerbockers and lay them out for the next guest. 

Maybe I should leave some good window replacement contacts on the feedback form, if they have one. The very least I can do is hook them up with a reliable door replacement company in Melbourne, because theirs nearly came off the hinges when I arrived. Doors are important…fact of the day. 

That was, of course, before the ‘New Guest Welcoming Ceremony’, where all the staff dressed up in their morris dancing outfits, handkerchiefs and all, and pranced around me in a circle while singing ‘London Bridge is Falling Down’. Then I got a complimentary box of Irish Breakfast tea, so…good value, I guess?